Forgiveness

The consequences of addiction always involve loss or potential for loss.  Actions done when in the throes of addiction produce pain and suffering – not only for others but your self as well.  Forgiveness is a key action that always accompanies recovery.  It can be forgiveness to those we offended and forgiveness to yourself as well.  Here are some helpful attributes of forgiveness:

 

What forgiveness is not:

•             Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness
•             Forgiveness is not forgetting that something painful happened
•             Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior
•             Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your hurt
•             Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the offender
•             Forgiveness does not mean you give up having feelings about what occurred

 

What forgiveness is:

•             Forgiveness is taking back your power
•             Forgiveness is taking responsibility for how you feel
•             Forgiveness is for you and not the offender
•             Forgiveness is about your healing and not about the people who hurt you
•             Forgiveness is a trainable skill
•             Forgiveness is becoming a hero instead of a victim
•             Forgiveness is a choice.

Another key concept in recovery is the term “resentment.”  Most of the time we think of a resentment in terms of I have bad feelings toward someone or something because of prior negative circumstances.  But truly a resentment goes beyond that.  A resentment is anything that “rents space in my head.”  Recurrent negative thoughts with accompanying feelings are all resentments.  And recovery involves examining each and everyone of these “space renters” and evict the ones that cause harm, defeat and relapse.

One of the steps in the 12 step process is making amends and certainly forgiveness is part of the making amends process.  In order to accomplish and grow in the skill of forgiveness, being a part of a group that is on the same path to recovery is important.  If you need help to grow your ability to forgive, we offer our services at Duncan Regional Health – the Behavioral Health Clinic.  We provide comprehensive outpatient treatment that addresses those elements that have been disordered due to addiction.  If you or someone you love is willing to accept treatment, we are here to provide that help.

Dan Criswell, MD
Plaza Behavioral Health and Addiction